4 of 16 Stories on Gender based violence

By Nomzamo Dube (Not her Real Name)

My story is based on one simple notion; that when he stops loving you, leave him before he starts abusing you. I was already a mother of two when I met the guy who was willing to commit for the very first time.  I’m sure you all know it isn’t easy being a mother of two and still living at home but that’s a story for another day. Anyway, so when i met him he rocked my world and showed me the best love I could ever dream of; until we moved in together.

It didn’t even take 6 months after we’d moved in together, then the beating started. First it was over an empty box of milk in the fridge, which I still insist had been left by him, and then it moved to scrolling through my phone and being inquisitive about every number on my phone book. He would continuously beat me like a punching bag on one day and buy me chocolates and flowers the next to say he was sorry. The apology always came with a great degree of blame on my part.  For some reason I always forgave him.

A year later I fell pregnant and he made me quit my job so I could ‘look after myself and the baby’ better, without any hustles. He would provide for the both of us plus my two kids back home.  The beating stopped temporarily when our bundle of joy arrived to revive the love we had. I had made a decision to leave several times but changed my mind as soon as the thought came into my head. Who wanted to be a single mother of 3 living at home? A few months after our daughter was born, I discovered he was having an affair with our neighbour.

I decided to confront him about it and little did I know that by doing that I had invited the abuse all over again. He started beating me up every day from that day onwards until I decided I had had enough. One morning I gathered enough courage to pack my things and leave. I took my daughter to my mother and decided to look for another job. By the way, he never bothered to look for us but continued his relationship with his new found love. Every day I ask myself why I endured so much pain for so long thinking my family would be ashamed of me if I went back. So ladies please, when the love stops you better leave or else the next thing you’ll get is long sad, abusive days.