10 of 16 Stories on Gender based Violence

The first five years of my marriage were like heaven for me and my high school sweetheart. He would pamper me with gifts and really adored our three year old daughter. However, this was soon to come to an end.  

My husband suddenly fell in love with a younger woman. He did not hide the affection he had for her. The two love birds would spend hours talking to each other while l listened in silence. Their love took over our marriage when he would bring his girlfriend home for a sleep over. They would literally displace me from the bed that we bought together and spend the night in our matrimonial bed while I cried myself to sleep in the spare bedroom.  

Suddenly, he started throwing tantrums when l confronted him about the issue. He started clapping and punching me. At one point l remember he shoved my head inside the toilet chamber and said l did not need to drink any water since l had already taken water from the chamber. He started shoving his whole hand inside my private parts as punishment for questioning his authority.

As the situation worsened, l decided to seek legal help from a local women’s organisation who legally represented me in court. I finally managed to get a divorce from my husband. I have since adjusted and I am taking care of my daughter who is now six years old. He also has regular access to see our child but when l look at him, l reminisce on the horrible way he treated me. Never in my life did l think l would survive such a situation. I am a liberated young woman who after going through such a traumatic experience managed to pull herself up. I therefore encourage young women to face their different situations with bravery as there is always a way out.  

9 of 16 Stories on Gender Based Violence

I got married at the tender age of 19 and have known no peace in my marriage. Three children down the line abuse is still very much prevalent in my marriage but like every other woman ‘ngihlalele abantwabami’.  

One night whilst we were sleeping, my husband came home at around 2 am in the morning as drunk as a skunk. He smelt like the inside of an Ingwebu tank. He started hailing insults from the moment he entered the gate waking up our neighbours who live just a handshake away from our house. I woke up and opened the door for him fearing he would wake up the whole of Gwabalanda.

Before I could fully open the door he had shoved it aside and greeted me with insults. He told me about how Sheila would have made a better wife to him than I ever could be, he said that I should leave him and open up space for others who would warm his bed better than I could. I was not in a position to respond to him in this state. I retreated back to my bedroom where my youngest was fast asleep oblivious to the noise her father was making.

An hour seemed to pass, his soliloquy was never ending. Little did I know I was going to pay for my silence.

My husband got into our bedroom, which was supposed to be our love nest but had fast turned into a boxing ring after the birth of our first born. In the depth of my sleep I heard shuffling behind the wardrobe. The wardrobe was the place where he stored his tools for beating me up. He had a knobkerrie, a djembe and an axe. I was jolted by a slap on my face. He was looking at me with blood red eyes questioning me about why I was not responding to him. He slapped me the second time. I could not wait to see what else he had in store for me because history had taught me that once he starts he would go on and the nature of assault would increase as he would move from slap to knobkerrie and eventually to axe.

8 of 16 Stories on Gender Based Violence

Woes of a student Intern 

I was in my third year at university when I had my first real encounter on Gender based violence, during industrial attachment. I had always heard the stories about how student on attachment are viewed as nobodies in the workplace and was psychologically prepared for it. What I was not prepared for was that they were viewed as nobodies when it comes to work, but somebodies when it comes to satisfying some people’s personal desires.

Each time I would write an article it would be discarded as rubbish to the extent that I became convinced I had applied for the wrong program at varsity, until one of the sisters in the newsroom told me to be patient because it had nothing to do with my performance. It had also happened to her when she was new, and she had discovered that the ‘boss’ was simply trying to get her attention. Her sentiments proved to be true when he finally made his intentions known. He pulled the ‘I can make life very comfortable for you’ card on me and even promised to give me a distinction for my attachment year.

For a long time I was caught between a rock and a hard surface because repeating attachment was not an option for me, and neither was indulging with this old, sick man who was trying to use my vulnerability to his advantage, so I confided in my ‘sister’ in the newsroom, who fought the battle on my behalf, of course at the expense of her job because after that the boss made sure to give her hell. She even threatened to report him if he made me fail attachment. Well needless to say I did not fail but I did not pass with a distinction either. I am grateful for her because I honestly cannot imagine how I would have dealt with this issue on my own. Which is why I would really want to encourage other young women facing similar challenges to talk about them with other people. Believe me a problem shared is a problem solved. 

7 of 16 Stories on Gender Based Violence

Violence begets violence

I was tired of being the punching bag all the time, so one day I decided to return the favour. On that fateful day my husband came home at 2 am, drunk as usual, demanding food and making noise about how I didn’t deserve to be in his house and how much of a favour he had done by marrying me. I had heard those words everyday for the past 2 years and had decided I had heard enough of it.

Unlike the other days, there was no food waiting for him, so he started his usual boxing game, but unfortunately he did not receive the response he had expected. I picked up a pot that I had strategically placed on the kitchen table and returned the favour. Because he was too drunk to balance his own body, I was at an advantage. I beat him up so hard and even picked up the bottle of beer he had in his hand to help me finish the job. Our neighbours interrupted as usual, only to find him bleeding profusely from his head. The man next door took him to the hospital while his wife remained home with me trying to calm me down.

She told me she understood why I was so angry but beating him was not the way to solve issues as it would only bring more violence to our home. Honestly at that point I was already regretting my actions, but I had kept so much rage bottled up and it was obviously bound to explode one day.

For two years I had lived with a man who hurt me physically and emotionally as he continuously belittled me. He never left any money to buy food at home but expected to find food on the table everyday he came home from work, knowing very well he had made me stop working.

When he came back the next morning, he had changed his attitude and was starting to preach about how fighting is not good and how we are meant to live peacefully together. Whether the incidence helped him see the light and reform, I don’t know. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out. Each time I looked at him I got filled with so much anger, so I decided to leave.     

6 of 16 Stories on Gender Based Violence

By Sara Ndlovu (Not her real name)

Being a student on attachment is one of the hardest things in life because there is always that one person that will try to take advantage of you. Usually that person is the immediate boss, who knows that you need him to give you a good mark and will make sure they ask even the impossible of you.

I did a few months of my attachment at a local authority in a small town in Matabeleland North. Like I said it turned out to be a few months instead of a year because of the ‘boss’ syndrome I mentioned earlier. My boss and I had a good working relationship and he always commended my efficiency in getting this done. However all this changed when we went for a work related trip out of town and he became a little too friendly for comfort. Being the outspoken, independent mind that I was, I did not hesitate to tell him I did not like where he was going and I was not going to roll over and let him do as he pleased because he was my boss.  

Upon returning to the office, his attitude completely changed and he stopped being the super boss that he had been before the trip. Then I discovered he had actually had a sexual relationship with all the interns that had been attached to his office and was well known for taking in beautiful, female interns only. I then realised that sticking around might actually cost me a whole year of my school and decided to phone my academic supervisor and request to be shifted to a different company. After a great deal of explaining why I wanted to change, I was finally allowed and the department got an alternative place for me.   

Sometimes some things can be solved easily if acted on in time. So to all the students, you need to stand your ground and refuse to let people take advantage of you because you are young and a student. I am sure if i had stayed the entire year he would have failed me and when trying to explain everything after a mark has been given would have been futile. So sometimes we need timeously act on our situations. 

5 of 16 Stories on Gender Based Violence

A NEWSROOM is a workplace often regarded as unfriendly to women and I can attest to this. women suffer abuse of different magnitudes which in most instances is perpetuated by a mere fact that ‘We live in a men’s world.’

Sometime in 2011, the company hosted a party at a local hotel to launch a new paper and all were invited – men and women. Among the men, there Editors, Branch executives and all managers who make up the list of ‘bosses’. Among the women were mostly student journalists, primarily because they made the majority of stuff for that paper and a few senior lady journalists who had just been there.

The launch went well as entertainment and booze kept everyone upbeat and wishing the program could just go on and on. However, while everyone went on about their boozing business, an editor (one) took advantage of the situation and became the gentleman who would fill one intern’s glass to the brim every time it appeared half empty.

The intern drank in the comfort of the editor’s company and after the launch, the two disappeared into what is suspected to be a place where the editor consummated the intern’s youthfulness, before they headed to Bulawayo Athletics Club (BAC) where the girl was eventually dumped at night without even being given money for transport. A distressed girl who had ignored arrangements made by the company to have everyone taken home because of the momentary sweet promises by the editor, was left alone to find her own way home which was somewhere in Emganwini.

Left without any option, the intern had to call her editor for assistance with transport and sadly, the editor could not help. It is not known how the intern finally got home but she never came back to the newsroom and as such she had to defer her program because she could not be assessed by the university.

Here is a girl whose education was disturbed by an irresponsible editor who could not control his lust. 

4 of 16 Stories on Gender based violence

By Nomzamo Dube (Not her Real Name)

My story is based on one simple notion; that when he stops loving you, leave him before he starts abusing you. I was already a mother of two when I met the guy who was willing to commit for the very first time.  I’m sure you all know it isn’t easy being a mother of two and still living at home but that’s a story for another day. Anyway, so when i met him he rocked my world and showed me the best love I could ever dream of; until we moved in together.

It didn’t even take 6 months after we’d moved in together, then the beating started. First it was over an empty box of milk in the fridge, which I still insist had been left by him, and then it moved to scrolling through my phone and being inquisitive about every number on my phone book. He would continuously beat me like a punching bag on one day and buy me chocolates and flowers the next to say he was sorry. The apology always came with a great degree of blame on my part.  For some reason I always forgave him.

A year later I fell pregnant and he made me quit my job so I could ‘look after myself and the baby’ better, without any hustles. He would provide for the both of us plus my two kids back home.  The beating stopped temporarily when our bundle of joy arrived to revive the love we had. I had made a decision to leave several times but changed my mind as soon as the thought came into my head. Who wanted to be a single mother of 3 living at home? A few months after our daughter was born, I discovered he was having an affair with our neighbour.

I decided to confront him about it and little did I know that by doing that I had invited the abuse all over again. He started beating me up every day from that day onwards until I decided I had had enough. One morning I gathered enough courage to pack my things and leave. I took my daughter to my mother and decided to look for another job. By the way, he never bothered to look for us but continued his relationship with his new found love. Every day I ask myself why I endured so much pain for so long thinking my family would be ashamed of me if I went back. So ladies please, when the love stops you better leave or else the next thing you’ll get is long sad, abusive days.       

Young Women In Peaceful March Against Gender Based Violence (GBV)

ABOUT two hundred young women from Bulawayo took to the streets in a peaceful march against gender based Violence on International Human Rights Day. The march was organised by the National Youth Development Trust (NYDT) to raise awareness on gender based violence and to encourage young women to speak out against all forms of violence against women. 

International Human Rights Day is celebrated on 10 December every year and is the last day of 16 Days of Activism against gender based violence. During the march, the young women were calling for everyone to join the fight against gender based violence as it is an issue that affects all citizens.

They carried placards with warning messages such as; violence against one is violence against all, advocacy messages like; Together We Can End Gender Based Violence, No Means No! as well as messages of encouragement which read; Your Silence Means He Has Won, Report Cases Of Gender Based Violence.  

The march started from the city hall to Presbyterian Church hall were the young women converged for solidarity messages from various civil society organisations. It also became a networking opportunity for the young women who interacted with various organisations that offer different forms of support to the young women with regards to their rights. The organisation shared their information materials with the young women.

Emthonjeni Women’s Forum, Radio Dialogue, Sexual Rights Centre (SRC), Bulawayo Progressive Residents Association (BPRA), Female Journalists Network, Sisters Clinic, Women’s Institute for Leadership Development (WILD), Young at Heart and Victory Siyanqoba Trust all gave solidarity messages at the event. The different organisations re-affirmed their commitment to the fight against gender based violence, whilst highlighting the different ways in which they can be of assistance to the young women with regard to various issues of concern.

Radio Dialogue and Female Journalists Network highlighted that their major concern was to amplify the voices of the marginalised through various forms of media. As such, the young women were urged to take advantage of the various forms of media accessible to them to voice their issues. Victory Siyanqoba, an arts organisation also highlighted that it helps bring out some of the unspoken issues through theatre, as a way of generating dialogue about those issues.   

WILD, SRC and BPRA on the other hand indicated that their organisations were concerned with lobby and advocacy on issues that affect men and women in their different spheres of operation and gender based violence was one of the issues of concern for them. They said they remain committed to working towards making sure all people enjoy their rights as human beings. Emthonjeni Women’s Forum, whose core business is to address issues of gender based violence highlighted that they offer support through free counselling services and legal advice. The Sisters Clinic offers free reproductive healthcare services to women and therefore encouraged young women not to be embarrassed by seeking medical attention for STIs or even issues of contraception.

The NYDT has been offering separate platforms for young women to deliberate on key issues of concern as a way of amplifying young women’s voice in community and national processes. Such a move followed the realisation that in mixed platforms, the male issues were dominating.